Look, Shakespeare Lady,

Ahem, I mean...

Dear Dr. Loftis,

I had a great time with your class this semester.  I really did enjoy it.  I even put super comments on your evaluation.  But about that paper:

"The Human Abstract" shows a faith focused on the tree of knowledge and all the human vices incubated in the human brain.

The word "incubated" does not need to be in quotation marks because I am quoting no one.  I know without even having to check because I remember, I searched long and hard to find the perfect verb for that sentence, and "incubated" is what I finally decided on.  I don't know where you think I got that word because it's not anywhere in the poem.

For example, "Holy Thursday" is in incomplete trochaic tetrameter, but in every stanza it has one random line in iambic tetrameter.

Why you think this has to be cited, I have no idea.  I know.  It's brilliant.  I was so proud of myself for discovering that pattern.  But we all learned how to scan poetry in high school.  It's really not that difficult.  I spent at least an hour scanning all the poems we studied in Songs of Innocence and of Experience, and when I found this I thought you would be very impressed.  I guess you were.  But just because you may have never noticed it, doesn't mean that someone who's been trying desperately to crank out seven pages on this stuff hasn't, either.  And if you have doubts about its accuracy, scan it yourself and see, why don't you?

I wish you had failed me on this paper or reported me or directly confronted me for plagiarism so that I would have a reason to defend myself.  But after you so intimidatingly told us that your grades are never negotiable, I see no point in getting myself in an argument with you.  I would be perfectly fine with this grade if it were for other reasons.  But your comments for my paper are full of praise except for, "Make sure that you place a citation next to every sentence that needs one." So I'm left to assume that all these points are deducted because I didn't cite my own ideas?!?  All right, there was one other sentence that you marked, and that one was a mistake on my part... but the thing is, the other sentences that you marked should have added to my grades because they were fabulous remarks.  You counted off for those instead.  So not only do I deserve those deductions to be removed but also some merit to be added to the paper, to my intellectual capacity, and most importantly, to my character.

I understand that you may underestimate us because yes, we are freshmen, and I don't know what school you went for undergrad, but because we go to UGA, which is not seen by everyone as a very smart school.  But come on, haven't you been saying over and over during the semester how much you were impressed with us?  Forgive me for sounding so cocky, but after working so hard on this, I feel insulted...