Things Tenisha Taught Me Today

1. Who cares what other people might think about me?  What matters is what I am actually like, and the people who do know me as a friend know what I am actually like!
2. I need to tell others about my blessings as they really are, not some minimized versions of the successes, so that truth might inspire others.  Plus, I want to be someone who deserves the good things in life (i.e. someone who is appreciative and happy about them)!
3. How to twist hair!
4. The existence of a drink called "kabouchin" (actually kombucha)
5. I need to give him time.
6. Research opportunities exist so that we can help others in some way, whether it be philosophical or practical. I can't make it about what countries/regions I would rather spend my field seasons in. How immature for me to ever lose sight of things in that way!

Soul CD / Oregon in "Retrospect"

A friend told me about soul CDs last night.  You choose twelve songs that define you at the core and put them on a CD.  You can keep one as a memorabilia, trade them with friends, or just gift them.  People rarely make CDs anymore, but I think it would be cool to make one for myself.  I've made special CDs for people before, but more for the recipient, and never with the intention to define myself.  I think as a college graduation gift to myself I will make one.  It will be challenging -- twelve songs aren't a lot!

---------------

The Oregon visit was good.  Good.  The beautiful, dynamic landscape was everything I had imagined. The people were even kinder and happier than I had imagined.  To feel like the most Southern person in a crowd was a new experience...  In that regard, I am definitely more comfortable back in Athens where half the people talk more Southern than I do.  But other than that, I almost felt like I knew I belonged there.  The active tectonic landscape -- the landscape!  Lush mountains and hills all around with giant evergreens, the Pacific coast with the white waves throwing themselves at jutting cliffs, valleys shrouded in fog, crystal-clear blue streams, and snow-capped Cascade volcanoes, all neighboring each other.  All the people there seemed to be outdoors(wo)men, whether their outlet of choice be snowboarding, skiing, surfing, hiking, paddling, or mountain biking.  Plastic bags are banned, you can literally subscribe to local agriculture for fresh seasonal produce, people bike everywhere -- refreshing things like these simply made sense.

Headed to Knoxville, TN and Minneapolis, MN this coming week.  I am forgetting to feel thankful for these opportunities but rather constantly fearing feeling too smug.  Thankfulness...  That's really where it all needs to go.  I can't lose that.

On another note, I'm thinking of making a new blog for grad school.  Should I stay on Blogger or move onto Tumblr or something else?

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

After hearing about the book for years, I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower today.

First, it made me think so fondly back to high school -- something I haven't felt in a while.  The teenage spirit, fresh youth, outlandish adventures...

Second, it hit home.  Friends said the end was sad, that the movie was good but dark.  I thought it was the best resolution ever.  I wish... I could be Charlie.


Well, here's to swinging off a rope off a tree into a green pool.  To walking miles on end into the night.  To night drives through Atlanta with The Killers blasting.  To sweaty school dances.  To violating park hours for night strolls and stargazing.

Ah, and soon I will miss college, too... The college version of moments of "feeling infinite."


Less missing and more savoring!

Happy birthday, Na Hyung.  Aging is a privilege.

Might I Quote Thee?

It's cool how philosophers think, but most of the time, it's the doers who do the work. And of course you thought a lot after your mom's loss. And you probably still do. Once college comes (or right now, just in the summer), it'll be a good time for doing, doing the doing or doing more of the doing you did or didn't get to do in high school. Even social stuff is a kind of must-do scheduled-kind-of doing for me, just like homework is. But I never am tired because I immerse myself in what I do. I find passion through them so it doesn't feel like I'm actually doing something laborous. Doing work/learning and chatting with people are both fun.

Friend who will, by choice, never see this, thank you for your non-expiring pep talks and lasting inspiration.  And for re-shaping my life for good before disappearing into a fog that I can't penetrate.

Well, here's to immersing ourselves in what we do.  Here's to finding passion through what we do instead of feeling like we're doing something laborious.

2013 Resolutions

I wasn't going to make resolutions, but seeing a friend's list of a dozen resolutions inspired me to come up with some.

• Keep a calendar of 365 happy surprises again -- Did this in 2010, and it was great while it lasted (til mid-March). The idea is to write down one happy surprise each day on a wall calendar. I told my brother about this and he said, "But what if you don't have a happy surprise?" Bro, you are missing the point; it's less about the surprises themselves but more about the positive attitude.
• Laissez-faire on fading friendships -- What's supposed to happen will happen; what's not will not.  Meanwhile stop bugging people, and savor the friendships I do have at the present.  This will be even more relevant after graduating and moving away from Athens.
• Not take myself seriously -- But take my work seriously.  Laugh about my mistakes.  Understand that the important thing is not me but the issue I am working on.  I have gotten much better since freshman year, but still lots of room for improvement.
• Go on Facebook no more than once a day -- What on there is so urgent that it can't wait 24 hours?!  Nothing.  I'll save myself from drowning in the vanity of myself and others and instead use that time for actual face-time with people I actually care about.
• Stop biting nails -- I don't even know how anymore after failing so many times.  But seriously.  Mouth and hand don't go together.  Maybe since I'm making it a new year's resolution this time I can just... will it into success?!
• Drink occasionally -- Literally.  Drink only when there's an occasion.  Incredibly long day/week just ended?  Sure, have a beer.  Seeing a friend for the first time in months?  Finals ended?  It's your birthday?  It's your best friend's birthday?  It's Christmas?  First day at the beach?  Yeah, go ahead and celebrate.  But don't waste money, time, and health on nothing.  Refuse meaningless drinks.  I know how to have at least as good of a time sober, even when everybody else is not.

Favorite Facebook Status Ever

An acquaintance from coaching Walton Orchestra Camp a couple summers ago posted today:

Hug your family members and friends extra tight today if given the opportunity. It's hard to remember that we are not promised tomorrow in a stage of life when one is constantly thinking about the future. Enjoy life now and surround yourself with love whenever possible.

Over the years I've seen so many clever Facebook posts that made me laugh, think, etc.  Simple, relatively common message, but this is just what the doctor ordered for me tonight.  Thanks, God, the supreme being of the universe (or multiverse) who I believe does have influence on my life, for bringing me to that post after a nap.

Love conquers all.  I'm learning the meaning of that statement in a new way tonight.  It doesn't just mean that if you love somebody enough, you can sustain a relationship over years and over oceans.  It means that surrounding yourself and immersing yourself in love conquers insecurities, unnecessary competition, jealousy, disappointment, hopelessness, and the like.  It has been so difficult to remember to just love people and enjoy what I have been given lately.  It's true, I may never see anyone again tomorrow.  I may never see someone again tomorrow.  

Loving others over everything... over the splendor of nature, over eating well, over learning much, earning much, looking good, doing good...  Love conquers all.  Or better yet, we should let love conquer all.

Honey Bagger

Girls are bags

Bags full of honey,

Flesh full of emotion

Squeeze the bag,

Out flows the honey

It's inevitable

You boys best

Be careful, don't
Squeeze too tight
You'll find yourself

Drenched in honey

Now let me wipe that off you before you notice it

Shenanigans

Got a brand new (and probably the most entertaining) batch of field school pictures from Chris.  Click to view in their full glory.

Yet another Mt. Shavano picture, with Chris, who took all pictures on this post.

At ~11,000 ft, the highest low country boil ever?!  (It's about 450 ft high in Georgia.)

Our classroom one morning, Valles Caldera National Preserve, NM

The class

Volcanic ash and tuff

The hills are alive -- Summitville, CO

Mr. Poopy, our ammo-can toilet.  It had a lovely view of the surrounding aspens.

Partner Ethan and I, failing to find gold.

Stream frozen/snowed over on Mt. Lincoln, CO

"I make it rain" -- virga (precipitation that doesn't reach the ground) seen from Mt. Licoln

After last day of field work, "Whoo it's 103 degrees and our professor surprised us with beer!"

Way back to the abbey

Giddy

Slept like that for a while.  Check out my dirt tan.

We actually worked every night

The day after the last day of work.  Going from left to right in the common room -- see John sleep. 

What a nasty couch I was on.

Brandon and Nick.

Places to Take My Loved Ones To

1. Valles Caldera, NM -- For those who want to find themselves in a Disney fairy tale, complete with a shimmering meadow, mist in the distance, and overly friendly butterflies
2. Mt. Shavano, CO -- For the seriously adventurous
3. Onion Creek, UT -- For those who want to go to outer space for cheap
4. South Park, CO -- For those who want to be calmed and moved at once
5. Cochiti Mesa, NM -- For those who trust me to take them where I've never been myself
6. Apalachicola, FL

To be continued

Valles Caldera.  During a morning lecture -- notice the elk herd.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

The best times of my life often also seem to be the worst times.  And vice versa.

I count my senior year of high school as the best of my K-12.  I used to feel a twinge of guilt every time I said that because it was also the year that my mother passed.  Indeed, her sudden illness and early death are the saddest things that ever happened to me.  But -- can I say this without being judged? -- her passing away was also wonderful, in a transcendent sense.  For the first time, our family bond was indestructible.  She said herself that it was the most she's ever felt loved and the happiest she has ever been, although I know it was also painful.  I was able to mourn and also have a blast the rest of my senior year because of the overwhelming support from friends, family, and the church community, as well as a newfound faith and comfort in the Lord.

Last winter was another such worst and best time.  I had just gotten out of the most serious relationship I'd had then and will have for a while.  But after a short (in retrospect) period of wandering and wondering, the new year began, and I was able to embrace my newfound single-hood, find a joyful network of friends, and accept the Lord's other blessings with open arms in the best calendar year of my life so far.

Field school was easily the best time.  Infinite supply of physical adventure, exhilarating tests of courage and willpower, and inspiration, beauty, learning...  But it was also the worst of times.  Yes, the the daily field work in the hot sun was difficult, but more significantly, it was probably the most loveless time of my life.  I did not connect with most people there, I found myself trying to be patient and love others but failing, I had self-image issues like never before... it was to the point where I forgot what the love and acceptance of my friends back home felt like.  Also in the midst of self-doubt and trying to fit in, my spiritual well ran dry and continues to be poorly supplied today.  Yet those six weeks were sooooo awesome that I would do it all over again -- do you see what I mean?!

So I want to remind both you and the future Na Hyung this:  Don't be afraid of the worst of times; it is almost certainly the best of times as well.  Bring forth the glimmering best times out of the worst, or wait for the best to take you over soon.  God -- I don't think He ever just leaves us with the worst.  He seems to always make it up with the best somehow.

Edmond:  I don't believe in God.
Priest:  It doesn't matter.  He believes in you.
- The Count of Monte Cristo

Good Ol' Frands

Ah... the long-saught-after antidote to field school withdrawal:  finally getting to see my beloved friends back in Georgia.

In a whirlwind of spontaneity, I got to see Phoeny and Kyle for the first time since May, and Tenisha again, all today.  As much as I love Colorado, I would rather be where I am understood, listened to, and loved by others and where I can understand and enjoy the company of those people.  In other words, I'd rather be surrounded by friends and family rather than by breathtaking natural scenery.  That's actually a pretty close call to me, but what's the use of beautiful mountains if your loved ones are too far away to share them with?

I'm back!

Ah... to be single again....  Strange feeling.  But I'm ready.

---------------------

I think.

Home and Pensive on a Friday Night

I'm afraid I'm getting too thin...  If you looked at me, that might sound ridiculous, but I've never lived eating as little as I lately have been.  It's not fun to feel deprived of food, even by a tiny bit.

How I would love a day of doing nothing.  I don't remember the last time I spent a Saturday at home, and tomorrow won't be one, either.

This semester has continued to be the best, despite all the work piling in this month.  Thank the Lord for the enormous amount of blessings.

2/28 Deep inside a marble mine -- felt like I was on a different planet

3/9 With Tenisha, former roommate and one of my best friends, on a girls' night out

3/16 Satisfying my Five Guys craving on a lovely spring afternoon

3/23 On a double date with my dear roommate Phoeny

4/10 Friday night in with Kyle and Phoeny

Another painting I want to paint, whenever that will be:  a smiling girl walking along a sidewalk shaded by green oak trees, holding a bouquet of flowers high up with butterflies fluttering along the trail of fragrance.

Greg Put It Well

An afternoon in the physics Undergraduate Study Room.  Physics colloquium starts at 4:00 and geology colloquium at 3:30.

Kunal:  Just come to physics colloquium and you can finish your homework before then.  Who cares about geology?
Me:  Ugh, story of my life -- physics homework or advance toward a successful geology career?
Greg:  For me it's, "Physics homework or go out and have fun?  Both.  Choose not to sleep."

Between scholarship applications and homework, no sleep for me this week!  Been having so much fun on weekends.

Legal

Had a great 21st birthday... friends new and old, an evening at a pub(!), gifts, all without countless 5-second Facebook wall posts from Facebook "friends" and people knowing about my birthday the old-fashioned way.

I'm in the middle of a social media / instant messaging fast for 21 days with Classic City Church (it's just a general fast; what I'm fasting from is my choice).  I like this so much, I might just stick with it afterwards.

Feeling very thankful and happy.  Thank you God for bringing me to this world, please make me into an adult who will bring you glory.

Overflowing

An entry I meant to post late at night on Saturday, January 14th:

Few things better than a long-time-missing Guitar Hero marathon with my dear brother Alex.  Fond memories with that game.  We probably played two dozen songs tonight, and I only beat him on two instances.  Kind of like our basketball games where I earn 2 points for each goal while he earns 1, and he wins 8-2.  Oy, when did he start beating me on everything? 

My birthday is approaching quickly, and I am already feeling incredibly blessed.  Today, driving home for a birthday dinner, I noticed myself happier than I have been in years.  I've got a somewhat detached but supportive family, I do for my new job things I could only dream of before, I have an exciting semester and summer in Colorado to look forward to, I'm working toward exciting dreams, I'm surrounded by friends who care about me, I just feel so whole... and so happy I can shed tears of joy if someone told me to.  My biggest concerns right now are, honestly, some scholarship applications and homework, and this is a luxury I will never take for granted.  Friends from different walks of my life are asking me birthday plans and telling me they want to be a part of them -- and thinking back to my last birthday, when my new roommates only found out it was my birthday after I told them after a long day at school, and not many people really cared -- I just feel so thankful.  (Yes, a 21st birthday is a bigger deal than a 20th, but I know that difference is not what is significant here.)  At this point, I would have an extremely happy birthday even if nothing "special" goes down or nobody does anything for me.  I feel so filled. 

I wonder if this is how people feel when they become rich.  When they finally have the financial stability they were missing for a while, and on top of that they keep getting more money from unexpected sources.  I would need to give away that extra money in order to maintain that happiness.  I am overjoyed with life. I have to direct this excess happiness in the right direction!

----------------------

In the midst of all this happiness, I am feeling nostalgic tonight.  In the maze of a menu in my Blackberry I randomly came across a "saved messages" box.  A couple of text messages and emails go a long way in bringing back memories.  So nice, such nice memories.

Back to sandstones!

Soul Friends

Some friends I have known for almost ten years, yet we don't feel a genuine connection to each other.
Other friends, rarer, I have known for barely a year, yet they know and embrace the surface and depths of my soul.

I just feel so grateful when I think about those rare friends.  Oh, the blessings!

Sparkly Noisemakers

What a fun new year's eve party.  Met a bunch of people I've been wanting to meet, met some I never expected to meet (like a couple of German students), spent time with people who just graduated and are going away, and had fun with other geology friends.  I cannot say enough how much I love our entire department -- all the professors, my TAs that I drink, cave, and hike with, the alumni that come back and show off their business cards while partying with us, and classmates who always help each other.  Good company, good drinks, I think this year's off to a good start.

2011

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
   -> Moving out to an apartment
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
   -> I don't think I made them.  I don't have any for this year in mind yet.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
   -> No
4. Did anyone close to you die?
   -> No
5. What countries did you visit?
   -> None
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
   -> "Free" time
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
   -> None
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
    -> Passing my classes?
9. What was your biggest failure?
   -> I can't think of any.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
    -> No
11. What was the best thing you bought?
    -> Kelty backpack?
12. Where did most of your money go?
    -> Rent and bills
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
    -> Logan's return to Athens
14. What songs will always remind you of 2011?
    -> "Sing, Sing, Sing" by New York Voices?
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    i. happier or sadder? sadder, but happier
    ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
    iii. richer or poorer? poorer
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
    -> Geology
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
    -> Physics homework
18. How will you be spending Christmas?
    -> Chillin' with the fam at home and so, so, so unfortunately going to Golden Corral
19. Did you fall in love in 2011?
    -> A few times, then I fell out
20. What was your favorite TV program?
    -> 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray
21. What was the best book you read?
    -> Einstein's God by Krista Tippett
22. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    -> Esperanza Spalding and other vocal jazz, I think?
23. What did you want and get?
    -> Jobs, college education
24. What was your favorite film of this year?
    -> Oh my gosh, I watched more good movies than ever before.  Last Harry Potter was good.
25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    -> Submitted an internship application, went to classes, work, and an AMF meeting.  I turned 20.
26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    -> Maybe if Logan and I didn't have to break up.  But, I think it is more satisfying because we did.
27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
    -> No new articles of clothing ever...
28. What kept you sane?
    -> Girlfriends!!!
29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    -> Uhh
30. What political issue stirred you the most?
    -> Probably the USG ban on undocumented students?
31. Who did you miss?
    -> Sharon, Logan, my brother
32. Who was the best new person you met?
    -> Tenisha
33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
    -> Follow your instinct.  Listen to what you know and feel deep inside.
34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
    -> "You don't have to pay to laugh, you'd better thank God for that" - India Arie

Life Update Potpourri

1. New Job -- I'm loving my tasks so far.  One of my professors is an editor for Geology, and I get to comb through every submission that comes through and facilitate her decision-making on whether to accept each article for publication or not.  It's cool because scientists from all over the world submit to this journal, and I get to be a part this huge, complex process!  If my need for regular income weren't so significant, this work would be even more enjoyable because I wouldn't be worried about regular hours, etc.  But, because the need is significant, this is all the more of a blessing.  When the semester gets going, I will be helping out in her lab as well, and that's also exciting.
2. New Schedule -- I will no longer have 13-hour days from now on!  I hope to work and go to class approximately from 8 to 4 every day and have the entire evening block to myself, thanks to my new job.  This will make such a difference.  Thank you God for all your provisions...  An eight-to-four day college life?  It wouldn't have sounded appealing if it weren't for last semester.  
3. Friends -- There have been times I wondered if I will ever develop deep friendships in college like the ones from middle/high school.  That no longer is the case, and I just feel so filled and happy.
4. Guys -- I decided I don't need 'em right now.  Just because I've come to need one in the past year and a half, doesn't mean I need to keep needing one.  After a period of futile wandering and wondering to "fill" a "space," I realized it's going to take a miracle for me to cross paths with someone truly right for me.  And, even more of a miracle for something to happen between me and that person.  I can't perform miracles.  Only He does.  God, I'll be counting on you to let me know when you do.  Until then, I'm just gonna be doin' my thing!  Thanks a lot.