Drowning

Transitions are always difficult.  Lots of transitions tumbling down on me all at once is... very disorienting.  I have so much to take care of in the next four days that I don't even know what all I have to take care of.  So, in the spirit of "who really reads this besides me anymore," I am going to list all of them so I can figure out what all I have to do!!

1. Renew expired driver's license - As of this morning, I can now drive legally again after a 2-week gap.
2. Submit my minor completion form - I can't believe they sent me an email about this this week.  I'm supposed to run around and get a signature from the physics office now, two weeks after graduation??  Do they really think that we're are just hanging out in Athens right now?  Well, gotta come back to Athens next week to do that, give away a drawers set, return a poster tube, fax a visa transfer form to OSU, and give my advisor a thank-you note and a CD with figures from my thesis.
3. Pack, do laundry, and move out most of my stuff today and move out any remaining furniture next week when I do all of the above also.
4. Find a place to live in Denver starting June 6th - DONE JUST NOW.
5. Shop and pack for week-long camping trip + summer in Denver + ~1 year in Oregon - leaving a week from today on May 31st
6. Submit immunization records to OSU - probably have to run around UGA Health Center next week for signatures.
7. Complete paperwork for internship

I know it is an exciting, blessed time, but it's just a lot of stuff!  One thing at a time, right?  I have to move out today/tomorrow!!!  Okay, I'm gonna start packing now.

By the way, The Great Gatsby was a great (ha) movie.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

After hearing about the book for years, I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower today.

First, it made me think so fondly back to high school -- something I haven't felt in a while.  The teenage spirit, fresh youth, outlandish adventures...

Second, it hit home.  Friends said the end was sad, that the movie was good but dark.  I thought it was the best resolution ever.  I wish... I could be Charlie.


Well, here's to swinging off a rope off a tree into a green pool.  To walking miles on end into the night.  To night drives through Atlanta with The Killers blasting.  To sweaty school dances.  To violating park hours for night strolls and stargazing.

Ah, and soon I will miss college, too... The college version of moments of "feeling infinite."


Less missing and more savoring!

Happy birthday, Na Hyung.  Aging is a privilege.

The Shawshank Thanksgiving

Finally gave this movie the quality viewing it deserves.  Wow.  It is rightfully a new member on my list of all-time favorite movies:

• The Sound of Music
• Braveheart
• Schindler's List
• Titanic
• The Lion King
• The Namesake
• The Shawshank Redemption

There are others, but I can't think of them off the top of my head.

I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head.  I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.  I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.  I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.  I hope.
- Morgan Freeman as Red

It's a privilege of a free person to be on a long journey with an uncertain conclusion.  And that privilege of life... merits excitement.

I have so many uncertain conclusions, so many hopes, to be excited about and thankful for.  Thank you...

Birchmore Revelation

Just because I wanted exercise, I walked the Birchmore Trail for the first time two weekends ago.  It might be my favorite trail I have walked in Athens.  When you go across the road (I think it's Gran Allen Dr) and back into the woods, that's where the good stuff begins.  At one point you come to the top of a small ravine and you find yourself in sort of a big hall surrounded by big trees all over.  Sunlight streaming, birds chirping, trees rustling and swaying in the distance.  There I took in the forest and thought, "Man, I only have so much time to see and feel this beauty.  Life's too short to spend indoors."  Which is precisely how I finally decided for sure to go on a 2-night camping trip next weekend.  Fall is beautiful.  And short-lived.  Just like life.

I think I would have liked to be a Native American back in the day.  Like Pocahontas or Sacajawea.  Except I actually have never watched Pocahontas.  But I do know a good bit about Sacajawea because in fifth grade, I dressed up as Sacajawea and told people about myself for a big project.  Also, I really enjoyed reading Undaunted Courage in high school, and that book (being about the Lewis and Clark expedition) had a lot of Sacajawea stuff in it.  Or really, I would have liked to a Native American before we (outsiders) knew them.  Camp out all the time, revere nature, etc.

Forgive my writing, I'm really tired.  Just spent a very good time indoors at the Georgia Theatre watching the Punch Brothers perform.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

The best times of my life often also seem to be the worst times.  And vice versa.

I count my senior year of high school as the best of my K-12.  I used to feel a twinge of guilt every time I said that because it was also the year that my mother passed.  Indeed, her sudden illness and early death are the saddest things that ever happened to me.  But -- can I say this without being judged? -- her passing away was also wonderful, in a transcendent sense.  For the first time, our family bond was indestructible.  She said herself that it was the most she's ever felt loved and the happiest she has ever been, although I know it was also painful.  I was able to mourn and also have a blast the rest of my senior year because of the overwhelming support from friends, family, and the church community, as well as a newfound faith and comfort in the Lord.

Last winter was another such worst and best time.  I had just gotten out of the most serious relationship I'd had then and will have for a while.  But after a short (in retrospect) period of wandering and wondering, the new year began, and I was able to embrace my newfound single-hood, find a joyful network of friends, and accept the Lord's other blessings with open arms in the best calendar year of my life so far.

Field school was easily the best time.  Infinite supply of physical adventure, exhilarating tests of courage and willpower, and inspiration, beauty, learning...  But it was also the worst of times.  Yes, the the daily field work in the hot sun was difficult, but more significantly, it was probably the most loveless time of my life.  I did not connect with most people there, I found myself trying to be patient and love others but failing, I had self-image issues like never before... it was to the point where I forgot what the love and acceptance of my friends back home felt like.  Also in the midst of self-doubt and trying to fit in, my spiritual well ran dry and continues to be poorly supplied today.  Yet those six weeks were sooooo awesome that I would do it all over again -- do you see what I mean?!

So I want to remind both you and the future Na Hyung this:  Don't be afraid of the worst of times; it is almost certainly the best of times as well.  Bring forth the glimmering best times out of the worst, or wait for the best to take you over soon.  God -- I don't think He ever just leaves us with the worst.  He seems to always make it up with the best somehow.

Edmond:  I don't believe in God.
Priest:  It doesn't matter.  He believes in you.
- The Count of Monte Cristo

Why I Will Go Paddling Again But Will Never Climb Everest

Went paddling down the Broad River yesterday on a total whim.  It was perfect because my right foot has been in a bad shape, and I've been wanting exercise that won't strain it.  We went at a breakneck speed of ~1 mph, T-boning each other, stopping at a swimming hole every hour, running the same rapid 20 times, sipping beer, and looking at fish on the way.  At a time where all I could think of in the humid, thickly vegetated South was the endless view, colorful rocks, snowy peaks, and crisp air of the West, this little day was what I needed to remember how I came to love Georgia.  The peaceful river, the weathered rocks, tall draping green trees...

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Finished watching the first season of Everest: Beyond Limit last night, and I have decided that if there's one thing I will never do, it's attempting to climb Everest (or K2 or any other eight-thousanders).  I've become quite interested in hiking/mountaineering/climbing/whateveryoucallit ever since climbing some fourteeners in Colorado, and also ever since those climbs, it always boggled my mind how in the world people could climb Everest, which is twice the elevation of the ones I barely made up.  The Discovery Channel show showed me how they do it, and it is just insane.  So here it goes, why I would never climb Everest, no matter how much money, time, or hiking experience I had:

1. It doesn't seem fun.  Frostbite, delirium, running out of oxygen while stuck in a "traffic jam" of a dozen other climbers from some other team, passing decades-old corpses along the way, getting sick yourself, watching other people get sick and/or die.... It is a ridiculous obsession at that point.  I like hiking because I can get a great exercise, take in breathtaking views, enjoy the company of friends on the way, see mountain animals and wildflowers, and feel peace away from everything after getting through thrilling challenges.  From what I could see from the show, these people were too close to plunging to their death for various reasons to take in and savor anything.  Granted, Discovery Channel was trying to keep the footages extra suspenseful and intense for the viewers, but I really could not picture these delirious people continually collapsing from hypoxia and hypothermia savoring anything.  It just looked miserable.  After all of that, if you are lucky, after a month-and-a-half climb you get to the top and spend half an hour catching your breath and frantically taking pictures before you have to head down as quickly as you can before running out of oxygen.  Then, if you are lucky, you come back down to nurse and/or chop off your frostbitten appendages and/or spend a month and a half in the hospital for various reasons. 
2. It is selfish.  It's hard to believe these people have wives and/or children.  They are putting themselves in something they know can easily kill them, and by deciding to participate, it's practically saying, "Dear my loved ones, I would hate to leave you behind in this world, but conquering this mountain is more important to me than being there for you.  Hopefully I will come back safely, but I am willing to gamble your futures for this personal goal of mine."  I can't imagine my dad or future husband leaving me for two months so they can put themselves in grave danger for a chance at personal glory!  Even the guy on prosthetic legs who summited and returned alive, who I guess inspired disabled people by being the first legless man to climb Everest (he had lost his lower legs to frostbite while climbing something else), said in his interview that if he knew how bad it would be, he would not have done it.  He ended up having to cut off one more inch off from each leg among other consequences he suffered.

What I would like to do someday, though, is hike to the Everest Base Camp (~17,000 ft).  That would be challenging and beautiful enough!  By the way, Everest: Beyond Limit is a good show, even though I just gave a bit away.  I'm gonna watch the second season, too, haha...

Before Sunrise and Sunset

I learned today that I really have a thing for realistic-take-on-romance movies.  Case 1 in point:  (500) Days of Summer.  Case 2 in point:  Before Sunrise and its sequel, Before Sunset.  I watched the last two movies today.  I cannot believe I had never heard of them before I just stumbled upon them on Rotten Tomatoes.  They are my new favorite movies.

There are essentially only two characters:  the guy and the girl.

1995, Decade-appropriately but not movie-appropriately cheesy poster

2004

What got me about these movies, aside from the superb acting and a script so organic that it seemed unscripted, was how I could listen to Jesse and Celine (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) converse and feel as though I just met two very interesting people and was now listening to them talk to me.  Multiple times I caught myself rewinding twenty seconds or so to hear something again -- not because I was afraid of missing a crucial plot element or a funny joke, but because I was genuinely so interested in what they were saying about life, time, the world, love, work, people, etc., that I didn't want to let a single phrase slip.  These people were extremely interesting to me but realistically so; the movie didn't have any of those Hollywood clichés, obvious gestures, and cheesy lines present in even the best movies...  it was almost like a very classy, extended reality show.  Only the best actors and writers could communicate such complex messages so believably -- so subtly yet clearly.  

Oh yeah, not to mention they make you think about life, love, time, and chance in a profound way.  I guess my main take-away was to not settle on someone but to try my hardest to hold on to genuine connection when I find one.  

I could go on forever about these movies.  Supposedly, yet another sequel is coming out next summer (!!!).  I hope they make one every nine years... or why not more frequently?!

In the meantime, please do yourself a favor and go watch both. 

Circle of Life

Nants ingwenya mabagi tsibaba
Sitsi uhmm, ingwenya ma
Ingwenya ma
Nants ingwenya mabagi tsibaba
Sitsi uhmm, ingwenya ma

Ingwenya ma

Siyo noba

Ingwenya ma

Ingwenya ma nengwe namabala

Ingwenya ma nengwe namabala

... Totally butchered the Zulu language.  But this way I can read it.  And sing it!!!

Changes

Starting to have this gloomy outlook along the lines of, "People are overrated... Buildings are overrated, cities are overrated.  People destroy all other components of nature."

But... I'm a person, and I certainly don't think I'm overrated.

I don't want to forget what really matters...

Nature will kill me in the end, but eternal souls will stay with me.

Cities are overrated, though.

Ever since high school I wearily have been watching trips change people, and now it's my turn.  Sure, I had hoped field school would be a life-changing experience, but I didn't think it would actually change so much of me, nor did I foresee it would be uncomfortable at all.


Watched 127 Hours a few nights ago.  Great movie, made me miss Utah, had me frustrated the whole time that he did not have a rock hammer with him like a good geologist (ha).  It would've gotten him out of there in about 30 minutes, maybe an hour tops.  But most of all, the movie (and the incident's 2004 documentary on YouTube) humbled me.  I thought I had such a grand adventure in Colorado, thought I had such cool stories, but this guy's story blows anybody else's out of the water.  Also, some of his personality reminded me so much of myself, and his incident showed me what kind of downfall I could walk into.

(500) Days of Summer

Saw this movie two years ago as my first summer after college was beginning, and saw it again today with yet another summer ahead of me.

I love how realistic this movie is -- no magical, typical-of-Hollywood happy ending, no sugarcoating, no overly dramatic catastrophes, no miracles.  Two very relatable, normal (but abnormally adorable-looking) people stuck in a relationship with one-way love and two-way attraction.  The failure to commit despite the sweetness of the other's company, the intuition of the woman vs. the cluelessness of the man, the desire to remain friends with an ex vs. the lingering physical attraction, the process of getting out of a breakup to find yourself and/or find true love...  It's all so accurately and sensibly portrayed.  I identify with Summer completely.  This movie helps me make sense out of myself today and... gives me more courage to believe in my intuition about relationships.

Now I shall proceed to repeat to myself that last phrase over and over again in the next week...

Good Life

• I put on makeup for the first time in six months tonight.  It feels good.
• Went downtown past midnight for the first time tonight.  Tenisha and I felt good.  (Other people looked kind of sick.)
• Submitted my RA application today.  It was bad, but it's done.  It feels good.
• Had champagne and strawberries for the first time tonight.  BEST COMBINATION OF FOOD AND BEVERAGE EVER.
• Watched Edward Scissorhands for the first time tonight.  One of my favorite movies now.
• Done with this semester's schoolwork save for two article summaries.  Feels good.
• Got good cash for textbooks today.  Feels good.
• Got three pairs of heels, a pair of Sperrys, a J.Crew tote, two long-sleeve Polos, short and capri length workout pants from a friend who is moving abroad!!!  

Oh God, thank you for this good life.  I just need to focus more on You!

Save Your Sorry

one thing i don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper

...

i am simply tired
of collectin
i didnt know
i was so important toyou
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say yr sorry
call somebody
else
i dont use em anymore'
i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how could i know about that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it

- from "One Thing I Don't Need/Sorry" by Ntozake Shange

... which is impressively acted out by Janet Jackson in the spoken poetry movie For Colored Girls!

Toy Story 3

I've decided Disney makes the world a better place like nothing else does.

I was skeptical at first.  "Yeah yeah... this is gonna be like Finding Nemo when everybody hyped it up so much that I wasn't too impressed."  "I'm too old for cartoons..."  Even in the first 10-20 minutes, I was thinking, "Man, am I really watching this?"

But by the end I was bawling.  "This.... s-so beautiful..... WAHHHHHHH..... SO BEAUTIFUL....  ALEX... THIS IS SO BEAUTIFULLL..."

Yeah.  It was beautiful.  As one critic on Rotten Tomatoes put it: "Even the hardest of hearts will have melted by the time the lights come back up."  The world needs that.  I feel like if the G-20 or the UN Summit had had a Toy Story 3 watching session together, the world will be a step closer to peace.  And then Pixar can be the next recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize for the creation of heart-melting works of art...

Sorry, Liu Xiaobo.  Not trying to insult you.  I'm just sayin'... Disney (and Pixar) are amazing.

Times like this, I seriously think, "Maybe I should just stop caring about everyone."  But I know that is not the answer, and that this thought is only temporary, if recurring.

--------------------------------

I love The Sound of Music (because who doesn't?) and have watched it several times, but some songs never made an impression on me before.  One of them was the "climb every mountain" song, and today I found that song the most meaningful.

Climb every mountain
Search high and low
Follow every byway
Every path you know

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Ahh!!! =D

Mrs. Wilkes

Pure impulse compelled me to watch Gone with the Wind today.  Oh my, that movie felt five hours long.  Several years ago when I first watched the whole thing, I didn't notice much but Vivien Leigh's half-inch-long eyelashes and huge ball gowns.  And what Scarlett did, what Scarlett said, and some of what Rhett said.  Today I thought about Melanie a lot.  Melanie Wilkes aka Melanie Hamilton aka Melly.  Someone who talks/thinks bad about no one, someone, as Rhett says, who is "so full of honor that she can't conceive of dishonor"...  Someone so kind and loving to everybody that no misguided enemy can stay an enemy.

Avatar and Armpits

Avatar was by far the strangest movie ever.  It was unlike any I'd ever seen.  It's a mystery how anyone in his right mind could come up with such a story.  It was definitely worth my free AMC ticket and the 7.50 large popcorn.  I highly recommend it.

Marietta Diner is a great place.  Our waiter and the owner both were incredibly nice...  Maybe the best service I've gotten at a restaurant.  Good food, Chili's-priced.  Going back to try other things on their menu.

All in all, what a great day.  Ah, this is what a break is supposed to be like!  I'm so happy and thankful.  =)

(Disclaimer:  Marietta Diner had nothing to do with armpits.)

Braveheart

Beautiful setting, unmatched acting, inspiration, history, romance, a dozen best movie lines ever, no 90's cheesiness... That's it.  That's it.  Today, it officially replaces Titanic as my all-time favorite movie... They've been battling for a while, and it was a close match, but to me this is just so much more inspirational.  Ughhh -shudders at its greatness-

Anyone who hasn't seen it... needs to.  Don't miss out.

Entertainment Tonight

Beautiful chick flick. Overall excellent movie? No. But for hopeless romantics like me, $1.75 well spent. Rachel McAdams... love, Eric Bana, uhhhhhhh..... love, them together are like Rachel McAdams + Ryan Gosling combination in The Notebook. The two movies are really similar, I'm surprised this one wasn't a Nicholas Sparks novel... The whole first-love-for-life thing, sad things happening all the way towards the end but somehow still ending happily.

It was funny and pathetic how they tried to weave in genetics and other scientific stuff... bahahaha. Maybe it was better done in the novel. Well, ignoring that, beeeautiful.

If you're in the mood to marvel at a gorgeous couple for approximately 100 minutes and weep at romance... Go for it!

Madeleine Peyroux = my new musical discovery.  Ah!  She was born in Athens, GA!  Had no idea.  To me, she's a less folksy, less soulful, less emo, but more classy version of Norah Jones.  I guess you can describe it as your typical good coffee-shop vocal jazz.

Haven't listened to the whole thing yet.  But from what I've heard so far it's just good ol' John Mayer, nothing different... excellent.  Cool jacket (not the garment).  He's like, "Hey, I know I'm the shi*.  Look at my vintage-feel jacket design.  Makes me look like a classic."

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All I've done today is sleep, eat Korean food, download music, and go to the movies.  And I shall fudge around with my violin now... HA this is the life!  =D =D For one day, anyway...

Enchanted

I finally watched it!!!  It was really awesome... for the first half anyways.  Loved the cartoon part because it's just been such a long time since I've seen a Disney cartoon.  Loved all the singing parts.  "That's How You Know"..... ahh!!  Not a huge fan of the lyrics, but great song.  Amy Adams is adorable, needless to say.  A literally fairy-tale movie!  What a concept.

I just liked saying, "Caitlin, let's watch Enchanted tonight!" and watching it.  I liked the spontaneity.  Spontaneous things are nice.  I didn't die today.  I did go a little crazy, though.  I couldn't stop laughing while lying in bed for a nap after my all-nighter.

Spontaneity is great, yes, but so's sleep, and wow, need to get myself together.