The tears I cry are bitter and warm

... Tupac.

How did this blog used to be such a happy place?
Oh, the mysteries of life...

This Catholic thing is getting out of hand.  Everything is getting out of hand.  Nothing is in my hand these days.  I have control over nothing.  Yeah yeah, God's in control... a thought that normally would be so comforting.  I have never thought of God with such feeling of burden and worry before.  It's like he is temporarily hiding behind a veil while I wander.

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"You're selfish person, Stacey.  Yes, more selfish than the average person.  Unusually selfish."

Well, I knew that.  I know that I'm very selfish.  Did I consider if I were more selfish than the average person?  Probably not.  I thought that I was average and that anybody more generous than I am was unusually generous.  Have I wanting/trying to be more generous?  Definitely.  Have I thought that my selfishness was a serious, immediate problem?  Sometimes.

"In my opinion, you're not the domestic type."

Oh, I've heard that from somebody else before.  Wait, no.  That was, "You are domestic."  After the initial reaction of, "What does that even mean?!" I never agreed with it.  So I guess I agree with that I'm not domestic.  It's funny how people willingly tell you if you're "domestic" or not when you don't even ask for it.  I mean, how many people even think about that?  I don't, at least not with that word.  Maybe men are programmed to look at any woman and judge if she is "domestic" or not.  Like, "Yeah, she's nice, she's pretty, she's smart, she's domestic."  Haha what?  Well, that's what it seems like.


So there you go.  I'm unusually selfish and usually undomestic.  Although it's not pleasant to hear these as sincere insults, at least I have confirmation of my personality traits.