The System

I can't.  Overcome.  The system.

What hope I had.  What plans, what dreams I had.  Lord, I still don't know.  After almost a decade, I still don't know.  When will I know?  Is there something beyond the boundaries of this country that You simply don't want me to see?  What do You want me to make out of ~15 years of this crippledness?

Today one of my students complained that she could not go to a retreat because she had to take her citizenship test.  I said, "You know, citizenship is a very valuable thing."  She said, "I don't care!  I don't want to be a citizen, ugh."  She's an excellent student.  I wanted to punch her...  okay not quite.  I wanted to argue but didn't.

I know that I am blessed.  Compared to most people in the world, dang I am living in luxury.  Compared to so many people in the world, I am basking in freedom.  Compared to most people in the world, I am getting a top-notch education right here in the U.S.  But who, with a teaspoonful of ambition, compares herself to the most of the world?




Ah..... okay.  Right.  God, You totally did this on purpose.  I remember now.  Do the hard right, not the right wrong.  Right.  Last summer, I saw it.  And it was my inspiration.  I've been so far away from You these days, unable to remember Your importance...  I guess this is how You remind me.  I am... not normal.  I'm special.  I am who I am, with relatively many resources, with loving friends and family, but with obstacles that ambush me and without many rights that others take for granted.  And in one light it seems like a terrible combination, but in another light it is just the perfect mix, something that differentiates me from others, something that gives me uncommon experiences and opportunities.

"Hardship"... yeah bring it on.

Perhaps God does not let me see outside the U.S. because there are too many things He wants me to see inside it.  And my time will come... He will set me completely free someday.

There is so much preparation to do.

I'm freshly inspired.  Hallelujah.